The Art of Execution

It is really important that we actually execute on our wants and needs.

The middle is all about the art of execution.

I read this sentence in a book called Still Writing, something that I finished reading over the weekend and immediately wanted to start again. The author was talking about the process of writing a book. How the middle is the hardest part — messy, unclear, emotional, things seem to make little sense, you feel bogged down, and the story can’t seem to move forward.

And I could not help but deeply feel the correlation to midlife.

She goes on to say, “We take a step back, we see where we are. We think about the shape we are making.”

Oof.

Yep, that feels about correct. I don’t think I have too many friends, if any, who haven’t felt some bit of this as they move into midlife. Reflecting on:

What is it exactly that I’m doing and is it exactly what I want?

The middle is where we suddenly open our eyes, and our hearts and minds, to the idea that what we have built so far in life may not be how we want to move forward.

We start to zero in on what we actually want. And, when we’re able, we make the necessary changes to get there.

Our career, our family life, our partnership, our friendships, our free time, our goals, our desires. All of these things are held up to the light, examined, assessed, and adjusted if necessary.

We stop settling into what we think we should be doing and make decisions about what we absolutely want to be doing.

Even if those decisions could be difficult for others to understand or accept.

When I first started this community, I wrote a piece about living in liminal space, a transition, lacking clarity, and feeling an intense desire to understand what was next.

I have let myself live in this space for awhile, as uncomfortable as it’s been, with the understanding that I can’t force myself through the muddled midlife stage.

I have to embrace it and, if I’m lucky, I will have the opportunity and privledge to sit here, contemplate what I want, and make changes in order to move forward.

I still believe that all to be true. We can and should embrace living in that liminal space.

But at some point the logical next thought needs to be that we have to take some steps, even if they’re small, if we eventually want get that clarity and make it through.

It is really important that we actually execute on our wants and needs.

It’s one thing to figure them out, it’s another completely to take the steps required to make them happen.

I’ve never been risk averse. I’ve started businesses with little to no money, I’ve moved a lot, I’ve traveled to places where I didn’t always feel completely safe, but if I’m being honest, this midlife stage has held some of the scariest moments of my life. And that has impacted my thoughts about risk.

So far in midlife, I started going through perimenopause, I came to terms with the knowledge that I wouldn’t be able to become a mother, I began to rethink my career and the work I’ve been doing for almost two decades, I’ve grown apart from close friends. All that on top of hitting 40 at the start of what would be a several year long pandemic.

It’s been a doozy.

It’s also been eye-opening.

It’s starting to become clear to me that no matter the choices we’ve made so far, we’re allowed to change our minds. We’re allowed to want other things. And we’re allowed to go after those things.

But, just like with writing a book, there are no shortcuts. We have to decide what we want then do the thing and see where it lands us.

Is this what I want or no?

Did it work how I expected it to or do I need to try it a different way?

Whether we’re talking about closing a business because it is no longer fulfilling, ending a marriage because it no longer feels right, or switching from mosaics class to ceramics class because you don’t find loudly breaking plates into tiny pieces of art relaxing, the decisions are ours to make.

The middle is where we have to try things - some work, some don’t. Some make us feel like we’re thriving, some make us wonder what we’re doing and why.

But this is how we write the story of the rest of our life.

It can either be what others think it should be, safe, clear, decided.

Or it can be as the author of Still Writing describes being in the middle of writing a novel:

Middles challenge us to find our tenacity and our patience, to remind ourselves that within this struggle- often just at the height of hopelessness, frustration, and despair - we find the most hidden and valuable gifts of the process.