Living in the Liminal Space

and taking a tangible step towards moving through it

I just learned what liminal space is.

I was listening to a writing coach talk about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and she said, “Learn to love the liminal space.”

I had to look it up.

Once I did, I was intrigued.

Liminal space has been widely discussed all over the internet and somehow I missed it.

For anyone like me who clearly hasn’t been paying attention, here’s what it means: Liminal space refers to the place a person is in during a transitional period. It’s a gap, and can be physical (like a doorway), emotional (like a divorce) or metaphorical (like a decision).

Well, well, well.

I feel like I’ve been in a liminal space for years now. The problem being that, while I know what I’m transitioning from, I really don’t know what I’m transitioning to. Which I guess is why I feel so lost and stressed out about it.

And that is really frustrating. I don’t operate that way. I like a plan.

I had a comment on my very raw, and very first, Substack post about trying to figure my shit out, and the commenter (my friend) said: “I’d love to figure out my shit with you or continue to talk about why we can’t figure it out.”

Until she said that I hadn’t thought much about the idea that there’s a reason why it is so difficult to figure this out.

Seriously, why is it?

Is just because I’m trying so hard? Could the trick be to chill the fuck out? Maybe.

But the thing is, by definition a liminal space has an endpoint. And because I can’t see an endpoint, I’m feeling stressed and fidgety and just cannot chill.

I’m now wondering if the foreseeable months will be spent trying to get comfortable in a transition that I don’t really have any clarity on at all. And if that’s the case, then I need to figure out how to relax a little.

Rather than seeing this transitional time as something that needs to be solved as soon as possible, maybe the first step in “figuring this shit out” is to work on how I think about being in a liminal space in the first place.

What do you think?

Can we remove the stress and see it as a time full of possibility?

Can we take our time and look to each area of our lives that feels uncertain or unclear and proceed slowly?

Can we come up with just one tangible, physical, actual thing we can do to get to a place of calm acceptance of the unknown?

Honestly, as I write this, I’m realizing that for me, this Substack is that thing. Wow. Duh.

I’m processing what I’m going through by writing. And I’ve always been able to write about things that I find difficult to talk about. I think I’m more honest in my writing than I am in my life.

Writing these posts and connecting with anyone who is interested in reading them is exactly how I’m handling living in this liminal space. Maybe it’s resetting my neural pathways or something.

This feels like a good first step.

If you’re with me, what’s one thing you can do to shift how you’re feeling about living in this liminal space?

Or if you’ve been through a long transition, can you share how you got comfortable with the unknown?

I’m excited to learn from you.

P.S. I think the next step is going to be to figure out how I want my life to look and how I want to feel. And then maybe work backwards from there. But one step at time. For now, I’ll accept that I’m uncomfortable and continue to write as a way to process it.